Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
