well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
