dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
