Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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