I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
