Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
