i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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