sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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