You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
