It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
