we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize