i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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