im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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