Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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