He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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