Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize