There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
