Plan B is the new Plan A
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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