I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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