my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Randomize
