yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
high people should be assigned attendants
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
