id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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