All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
