sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize