John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
