Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
