Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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