you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
