Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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