I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
