I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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