By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
