this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
