Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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