My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize