He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
