I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
