I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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