my mouth tastes like poor choices
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
