fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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