Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
