I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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