We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
