Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
