there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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