so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
