My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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