You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
