Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
