Don't make out with my wife yet
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
