every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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