wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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