How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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