I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
