people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
