He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize