i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize