when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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