i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
