But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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