He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
MIDGETS
????
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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