very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
