why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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