I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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