p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
