Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
