New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
