2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
