he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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